All things festive

Being Christmas/New Year, I felt it was time I updated. I have been a bit uninspired with the lack of pictures without the charger for my phone, I was rescued by my Mum who has the same camera and visited just before Christmas.
So YAY for Mum.

School holidays have been going well, I nearly lost my mind before my Mum got here. So stressful to continually pull my boys apart from arguments and fisticuffs.
We did lots of touristy things with copious amounts of driving to see the landscape. It is amazing country here, both mountains and coast, beautiful.



More of what Mum got up to while here. hehe


It was nice to have her around for a few days, it was a good visit! My in laws are coming in a couple of days, so I am excited about that too. My niece will be with them and she is such a gorgeous little lady.



Testament of how awesome I am at gardening! I haven't weeded the front garden for a while because of all the rain and the other day I found this pumpkin growing nicely up the tree.

Speaking of rain....

It makes such great fun. We haven't been able to get the boys to stay out of it. LOL!


Getting cake!! :D

So we have had a great holiday so far, Mr P is having some time off and it is so nice to be a family unit without having to actually 'do' anything.

Enjoy your New Years celebrations, I hope you have a prosperous 2011.

still no camera

And it is beginning to really piss me off. I cannot capture all those precious moments. I am lucky that I have a really clear picture phone, but I don't know how to upload them and I am worried I am going to lose them.

One particularly good moment that I missed was the Variety Christmas Party we went to on the weekend. B5 had such a lovely time and it would have been nice to capture his gorgeous smile, or Toadie from Neighbours doing the chicken dance with him. It was really wet and had to be held in a building they hadn't planned on, a lot of people had issues with the small space and the amount of rain we had, but hey, Mother Nature always wins. :)

We have been pretty quiet lately, I have been going to Monday night crafts as much as I can. B's embroidery is coming along nicely and it is a great way to release. Tonight is canceled though because of how much rain we are having.

Hmmm, is there a theme here. LOL. The rain has been constant since about Thursday last week so we are watching the creeks. We would be cut off if they both go over. It goes down pretty quickly I think because it feeds into the ocean. We are also lucky that our soil is mostly sand so it drains away easily.

Mr P is learning to drive and is doing a great job of it. I am really proud of how much effort he is putting in. He has been pretty scared about being in control of a car for such a long time as he has Epilepsy and could potentially have a seizure. He has been seizure free for over 3 years now and is essentially controlled with anti seizure medication. He has said that he feels more and more comfortable so that is a really big step for him. So yep, proud! :D

I have met a friend up here and we are having playdates which is really nice. H2 enjoys hanging out with their little girl too. We try to go to Wednesday Story time at the Library but have only made it once so far. H2 wasn't really sure what the deal was and preferred running around so maybe the playgroup would be better suited for a while. I am just a little tentative to go to a playgroup as I don't really enjoy competing with other Mother's. But then again, it may not be anything like that and we might have fun! Regardless, H2 is needing more friends.

Also I am flying out to spend an evening with my Special Mums and I can't wait, 2 weekends and I will be there baby!

Crust be gone and ummm, maybe call it LOVE?!

A 'Sarah Bean' got a certain birthday present and was particularly excited about the cornflour like powder that was a result of a Ped Egg! Since her birthday I had stored the pleasure she found in it and also the amazingly smooth feet that were a result, and I requested it as my one gift (I will be getting a tattoo as a combined Birthday/Christmas so am hanging out for that too).
Hmmm, yes Ped Egg!
I was intrigued to find out if my feet too produced a grotty cornflour, and yes they do! So gross, but you can't stop looking at it and swishing it about in the top part of the 'egg'. Ha! I love having smooth feet as we hardly wear shoes since being here!
I was so stoked that Mr P got me the gift I had asked for, one year he asked what I wanted, I said a dressing gown, I ended up getting a mug. Hmm. BTW I wasn't drinking tea or coffee at that time!
So, Ped egg = most awesome gift! :D


The other part of my pondering has to do with my young man.

I have been feeling a bit overwhelmed with a couple of things this week.
Have I done enough for his life to be rewarding, have a put enough effort in for him to grow as he needs to, have I given him the right foundation of skills.
I just know that parenting is hard, it is character building and to be honest having my son helped me realise an inner strength and wisdom that I never knew that I had. Every day, he tests my patience, my negotiating skills, my sense of humour, my love, all my fears, and in reality so does H(not 1 any more!)2. I think the biggest advantage is knowing how to be truely humble and thankful and I thank my children every day! I have now been on this journey for over 6 years, from conception that is. I am constantly in awe of the lesson's I have learnt and I am forever evolving. A life of not learning wouldn't be as rewarding as what I am living. I constantly saying that having a child with Down syndrome isn't bad, it is just different. When we are on our parenting journey it has it's up's and down's and no two families are on the same path. It then becomes sad for me that my son is questioned and just not able to 'be'. I feel that I am constantly having to step up and advocate for him. I will always be an advocate, I just wish there wasn't such ignorance and stereotyping attached to a disability that is constantly pushing the boundaries and exceeding the box that was once used to group my child.

One day ignorances won't be so judgmental and we can all get on with living. Here's hoping anyway.

Doh

Something is up with my garden, it is called Lack Of Attention.

The weeds are getting higher, the plants are getting brown and the sun is getting mighty hot.

I have been paying so much attention to my crafty side that I have let my baby go to seed too early. I really want us to be self sufficient and it is such a pleasure to watch it grow, so will be looking at finding time to put back into the garden.

This pesky grass pops up EVERYWHERE. It suffocates everything and I can't seem to get rid of it quick enough. Even with mulch, it grows around the roots. I have been collecting heaps of newspapers so going to lay it and hope that it DIES!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh and my one pumpkin seedling that survived, just disappeared. Gone. I bet a jealous neighbour saw it and wanted it for their own! (probably not but I am sticking to the story).

Anyway, done is my rambling, sleep is calling and so is the current read of Emma by Jane Austen! :)

Peace out Bilbies!

In the works

I have a couple of projects in the works at the moment, yet my camera battery has died and in the move I put my charger in a 'safe' place that has been so safe I can't find it.
Project one: Screen Printing
I am really enjoying screen printing it is so fun to wear my art but it is a bit of work to find one that actually works on the fabric.

Project two: I am going to craft nights at a sewing shop in town and this is my project, a pillow case with B's drawing embroidered on it. I have started embroidering with a chain stitch and it is really effective.

Project three: Christmas presents. I am going to make my older Niece's and Nephew's a travel Tic Tac Toe bag. I don't really know how I am going to do it but I have the picture in my head so hope it ends up turning out.

Can't wait to find my awesome safe place so I can share my fun.

Turn, Turn, Turn

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DejUPN4SksU

I am feeling a change coming. I know that during this journey I am forever discovering who I am as a person. It has been a time of questioning, changing, crying, growing, pain and self doubt.

I have embarked an a mission of self discovery by doing a creative course, The Artist's Way. It is designed to make you look at blockages you may have in your creative mind. I am finding that it strips you back to your bare minimum and you are to look at yourself. It has challenged me immensely and I have only been doing it for a week or so. Ha!
It is going to be 3 months of recreating how I look at myself, how I think to myself and how I live everyday! I want to be able to create with my children, I want them to be energised by our creativeness, I am also hoping to break negative insecurities I have so that my children don't have to live in that shadow.
It is a big job, and I am sure that this one course isn't going to wipe my baggage clean, I am just glad I have the chance to do it and learn.
This life is so precious to me, my children are priceless and I want to get it right for them. I am sure I won't get it perfect every time, I just want to know that I am doing and continually learning.

My time has come to turn away from the negatives my censor(mind) speaks to me, I am breaking the cycle that is so embedded in the females of my family and I am going to stand strong in the new and fresh me I find!

I am doing it for me



and them

Stop messing with our food!

I am constantly flabbergasted as to how much food is tampered with before it gets to our grocery trolley and therefore, to our bodies.
An article on TV last night was about Genetically Modified (GM) Soy being a product in babies formula. It doesn't surprise me, however it deeply saddens me that when non breastfeeding women look for a product that they think will be gentler on their babies tummy, they are not made aware that the product they have thought to be better is made with 'messed with' soya beans.

When I walk into my local grocery store and see perfect tomatoes that fit neatly into boxes and can be stored for long periods in a fridge, I can not help that my mind screams NOT NORMAL!

In this fast food society we have created where we need our food to be quick and easy, what are we doing to future generations? Heart disease is on a rise and diabetes is more prevalent as well.
I was speaking to a friend of mine a while ago who works in the medical field as a doctor, she said that when talking to another doctor about the rise of heart disease they mentioned that a large amount of their patients can't understand why they had heart disease when they ate 'healthy' option frozen meals. They tell them it is probably their genetics even though they know that it is probably due to the preservatives and additives in pre-made food.

I do not know all there is to know about this topic, I am still learning.
It is the reason why I have endeavoured to grow as much of our food as I can, and if I can't then I will buy from locally sourced growers. I try to buy the organic option when available and I buy food that doesn't have additives or preservatives. I make our bread and yoghurt and I cook a lot of our food from scratch. It may sound like a lot of work but to be honest, for someone who is generally rather lazy in the kitchen, it has been a fun and rewarding journey. I buy our meat from butchers who source local meat.
Locally sourced options will support the community and local industry, which then means that farmers don't have to grow food that is striped of all goodness yet packed with steroids and GM for the mass production supermarkets require. Way better for the farmer and better for our bodies, it also makes for a profitable region.

I have seen a difference in my children since embarking on this journey, they are more relaxed, their skin is healthier and their eyes are brighter. The other difference is that we don't get sick as often and when we are, it isn't for as long as it would have been before these changes. All major pluses for me!

It's holidays! Woot!

and we woke up to...



Well we were all awoken at 5.30 this morning by a massive clap of thunder that literally made Mr P jump! After he arrived at work I spoke to him and he told me that half the town was under water and he saw a car immersed in a side street (he can be a little dramatic though).

After the normal breakfast routine I was at a bit of a loss as to how I was going to entertain my two busy boys. I decided a bit of paper shredding to do a papier mache project was in order.
I made some glue

Recipe-
3:1 Flour to sugar. I did 1 1/2 cups of flour, 1/2c sugar
slowly add cold water to make a paste and then onto the stove until thickened.
1/2 tablespoon of vinegar and mix well. It will keep in the fridge for a couple of weeks.

It was pretty average as I don't think I did the water slow enough, well I know I didn't because B was helping me and tipped it all in!
B and H had fun ripping the paper and then I covered a bowl in plastic wrap and we began the masterpiece.
B discovered that the glue was particularly tasty and ended up eating more then he pasted and H disappeared to play trucks, so I covered the bowl! Ha


Mmmm, gluey goodness!


I would call that a success! Ha!

H went down for a sleep so I thought B and I could have a bit of a bake!
Choc Chip Cookies!

Ingredients:

2 cups Plain Flour
1 cup Sugar
1 cup Butter
1 egg
1/4 cup Milk
2-3 tbls Vanilla essence
1 cup Choc Chips

Method:

Cream the butter and sugar
Mix in egg, vanilla and flour combine well
mix in milk and choc chips and mix well
put on a tray in small balls and bake at 180 degrees for about 14 mins or until browned. You could turn over at 7 mins if you wish.


Enjoying the beaters



Ready for the oven



Mmmm, finished product!

They were really quite tasty, even with the extra vanilla that B poured in. I do have a bit of a sweet headache now though!

Hooray

I am going to go to craft lessons at the local sewing shop! Can't wait!

Crayon Rocks

I purchased some awesome crayons the other week. They are to promote good pen holding skills. They do look like large jellybeans but I haven't had to do any damage control for either of my boys. I got them from Spiral Garden, such a lovely online store. Always really quick to dispatch and such quality!
Anyway I have to show how fantastic B's grip is



He is pretty good at holding a pen but I was so surprised at how naturally his fingers wrapped around the rocks and so perfect! H is also enjoying using them and he too can hold them with perfect grip, he is nearly 2! Fantastic purchase and well worth the $10 I spent!

Nature and all it's Beauty

Our Beach



From our back gate.

As I walked along the shore today I pondered. So many thoughts, so little clarity. I watched the waves come and go and felt that it is very similar in our life, we do the same thing so often that you then forget to see how wonderful it is to be doing it. There may be times when an obstacle arrives but just as the wave does, you find a way to move it, be it going around, under or over, you find a way to deal with it and move on. Sometimes it keeps coming back in every rotation of the wave, so you have to find another way. It isn't easy and sometimes strength wavers, however another wave may come to strengthen you again.
A bit blabby, sorry, I guess I am saying that even though some things seem hard at the time, they pass, they may reappear but you have it babe, you can do it again. Ask for help sometimes, admit that you haven't got all the bases covered and it is OK if the facade cracks for at the end of the day you are only human.

I have been reading a book on how to teach children with Down Syndrome to read, so many 'that is so true' moments for me. One quote that stood out for me was 'I did the best I could, with who I was, with what I knew at the time!' Forgive yourself for any mistakes that you think you may have made in the past. Forgive others for being less then perfect as well. Put your energy in today and tomorrow. You have another chance!
So often I run ahead of today or tomorrow, I also seep into the black parts of days gone. It isn't healthy at all, I miss so much of the wonder and beauty that today is filled with. I have now got this saying as a constant reminder to bring back the thinking and make it relevant to your current world.
So a note to myself, sometimes life can be messy yet there can be beauty in that too.

Growing.... part 2

I thought I should have a separate post for my second growing experience... a vegetable garden. Well it is more of a salad garden at the moment.




As I haven't grown anything before I am pleasantly surprised at how much I love to grow food. I have been mulching and enhancing the soil with organic potting mix, planting and watering. I love that we have a bore and before it gets into the hottest part of the year I am hoping to get a tank put on the shed.

I went to a Landcare 'Day in the Garden's' held at the Botanical Gardens on the weekend. There was a growing food stall and I was told about a community garden based on Permaculture and they have meets every month which happens to be this weekend coming. YAY! I can't wait to talk to a local about what to grow and when to grow it. I have been getting some great advice from quite a few fantastic gardeners but actually being able to see how it does in a local garden will be great, it also gives me a chance to meet people as well. So can't wait.

We are still getting beautiful sweet oranges off our navel tree and the pawpaw's are coming along nicely.
I am looking at getting some citrus trees from the local markets and would like to get some native trees as we have gorgeous birds here.

I am hanging onto the dream of having a full salad made only from my garden, so far H is picking green tomatoes and using them as balls and playing hide in go seek with my basil. Ha.

Oh how nice it is to get my hands dirty with healthy soil and to watch tiny plants grow into beautiful and tasty food. Love it.

Growing!

It has been a while since I have had the motivation to write. I have been busy with change, we have been outside more then ever, gardening and the general life monotonous cycle of things.
It has been 5 weeks since we moved, goodness is that all! I have been struggling with the pressure of what is required. I haven't done well with pressure since H was born so I find myself becoming snappy and uptight. I know that it is another avenue for personal growth and am trying to see the beauty and peacefulness even if I am rushed. I really love living here and although I am missing the closeness of my friends, I feel quite settled.

B is doing really well at his new school. He received an award at the school parade last Friday. Watching him walk out to get the award and then flash his double dimple smile that radiated his pride, I was overcome with emotion. He stood in front of his school showing the award off and gave his Teacher a massive thumbs up while the other students collected their awards. He was then asked to choose a name out of a box and he was so happy that he didn't stop smiling the whole time. I was beaming with pride. 2 months ago I was told that my son needed intense one on one help while he was at school, I watched him in the space of half an hour not need anything more then a word of direction so he knew where to stand. It was so heart warming to know that 1) They got it wrong, 2) He was happy and 3) He was part of the school community.



H is feeling a bit lost without any friends of his own, I am going to look into local playgroups and hopefully he will be able to run amok with some other nearly 2 year olds soon. He is learning so much and it is amazing to watch him grow. He seems to have a limited attention span to any type of drawing activity but adores reading books. He is a joy to be around and constantly makes my heart sing with love. Hearing him giggle to himself while he falls asleep is gorgeous.



We just added My Many Coloured Days by Dr Seuss to our collection. What a wonderful book. I love that he has associated colours to moods, it is a nice way to learn. This week being book week I thought it was fitting to mention a couple of our favourites. H is loving Night Noises by Mem Fox and B will not go to bed without a Small Animals encyclopedia.

Well that is about it on the updating about our family, DP is working as normal and not much else.

We made it!

We have been at our new home about a week and a half now. We didn't have internet for most of that time and although it totally sucked, I enjoyed knowing that I was available. I usually use the internet as an escape. I have hardly been on since we had the internet connected anyway, I think I am enjoying what I am living now where as I wasn't really impressed with my surroundings previously.
We decided to leave a little later in the morning and it ended up to be around 10 before we actually left on our journey. We had booked a motel for the night so we only needed to drive about 6 or so hours not including stops.
It felt like we were making great time on a road that we hadn't driven before as we usually took the coast one. There was



this sign and I so knew that if B could read he would have giggled at the fact a sign had the word BUTT on it. So I had to take a photo to you know, let everyone else know that he would have laughed because butt jokes are hilarious!

The boys were squished in the back between unwashed clothes, toys and food.


Every photo taken needs a CHEEEESE chorused by both young men. Cute.

H had a massive car to keep him occupied



B had a new Woody doll that needed to sit all safe and sound in the belt with him


Well, until he got bored and decided that he would make a brilliant missile to shoot at his little brother.

I had miss placed my sunglasses and was getting a headache from squinting, so we promptly stopped at a service station and Mr P went and got each of us a new pair of shades.....



He came back with these. I have been avoiding bug eyes like the plague yet my only criteria was that they can't squeeze the side of my head. Of course now I have decided that I kinda like them. Huh! (my hand is doing a bad job of hiding double chin.)

We ended up driving 5 hours and got about as far as 2 hours on the coast road so then had to do some serious moving to make it to our motel without falling asleep at the wheel. Mr P and I decided to play trivia for the last 2 hours of the trip, very good thinking Mr P, it was so much easier to get to where we were going after 9 hrs of driving.
We got booked into the motel and got some fatty goodness for dinner. Once in the room my children were doing..





After a hard day traveling there is nothing quite like reading the Bible according to B. H had other plans. Ha!

The next morning we only had about 4 hrs to travel and it was pretty easy going. As the only driver nothing says you are nearly home quite like this




Cane. Beautiful sugar cane.

We are here, we are actually living a life that I have been wanting for my family. We are outside more, happier and less cranky. Gotta love that. B is loving his new school. Mr P is learning the new ropes of his job. H hates the feel of sand and I have been digging a new garden.

Before pics-






The Magpies came to eat rouge bugs while I dug. I just hope they remember my generous token when it comes to Spring.

Moving Day and celebrating an old Man!

It is here!!! (yesterday now, it got too busy to post it and the photos aren't posting. Blergh)

I have spent the last week completely immersed in the world of boxes, rubbish and packing tape. Phew to being at the end of that stage. I took a couple of photos of our ever growing pile, just because it is a massive amount of junk that apparently we can't live without!

Last Wednesday I had organised for a day of returning and getting rid of, so my friends could get there new things, such as Guinea Pigs and bread makers and I could get a bowl back. It turned into morning tea and a packing bee and I will always be thankful that I have met such special people that jumped in even though I didn't really want them to see all my smalls or notice just how much I had ignored the cleaning lately.

I will also be Thankful for a very useful skip that has been a massive step in getting things done on time. Thank you to my wonderful village for organising such a wonderful gift.

The movers are meant to be here in a couple of hours and do you think I can be bothered doing anything constructive like some sweeping... Nope! Like I said, I am really good at procrastination!!

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Before we had decided to move I was invited by my Dad to attend a reunion luncheon for my Grandfather's 70th anniversary of his Battalion in WW2. I was so honoured to be a part of it as my Grandpa never talked about what he went through in the War. His battalion, 2/10th Field Regiment RAA, were involved in a month of active service and then captured by the Japanese. They were part of the Changi group but mostly worked on a railway cutting most famously known as Hellfire Pass. He was then transferred to Japan and spent the last of the war there and even felt the tremors from when Nagasaki was bombed. He returned to Australia incredibly malnourished, suffering from Malaria, and blind in one eye. This is seriously a reader's digest version as I still don't know all of the details of his time as a POW. (By no mean's do I support the fact that the war ever happened, or that these tragic times should be celebrated, just my Grandfather and the men that served during this time.)
He is now a 90 year old man and I am so proud that he is my Grandfather. He has always been resilient and is still quick witted and full of life. My Dad says that even after a hip replacement last year, Grandpa still thinks he could run a 4k run in under 10 mins, even though he was never able to!! He is a man of very few words but when he speaks you know that it will be intelligent and full of wisdom.
I am also glad that I am able to get to know him before it is too late. Since my Grandmother's passing four years ago, he has been a lot more willing to engage in an adult relationship with me, and I think that he is now open to celebrating the victory of returning home and grieving the life that was spent in such a horrible way.

Funkness and all things overcast

Today is a blergh day. The weather is gloomy and I feel the same. Stupid weather adding to my funkness is so stink.



Yep that makes my funkness a little lighter! Bahaha He looks so seedy with that mo!

-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!

I would like people to meet me and not know that my child has a disability until they meet him and see his beautiful almond eyes looking so sparkly at them. I like us to be a normal family and not one that is constantly looking at how hard we have it. I like that my partner has always loved B and not seen him as anything but a normal child. I like that H doesn't see anything but a big brother in B. I like that we all love each other, warts (although we don't technically have any) and all.

Most of the people I have become friends with, through this journey, know that their children have additional needs and that they require extra attention and that it can be draining, however, overall they completely adore their children and what they have brought to their lives. They have grown more, loved more, cried more, been angry more and seen the beauty in the small things more. I love this about them and I love that they have also taught me how to see our life like this.

The way I want our life to be is totally about dealing with what we have. I don't always do it the right way and I do have a tantrum every now and then. I ask for my big break, for millions in my bank account, for smaller thighs, for well behaved children while trying to get the shopping done. For life to not have so many freaking hurdles. But in the last 5 years I have become good at jumping hurdles and knocking down the big bastard of a brick wall that stands in front of me. I try to move through the struggles and know that even though I may not have it right, I have people that love me anyway.

I do find it hard to understand when people don't have the same view as me, but that is about their journey, not mine and I have to try to remember that we all have different ways to deal with life and what we go through.

I am comfortable in my bubble, I like my bubble and how I view most things with in my bubble. I am always open to learning and expanding my bubble although it is a nice place to be most of the time.

So my funkness continues but I am glad of who I am and that I can see the world this way. It is a cushy place to be.

In other news, we move in a week. Eeek!

But we have this to look forward to



and this



These photos really don't give our new adventure the shininess that it deserves!!

Gotta have friends

I am completely and utterly blessed by having a gorgeous bunch (hence photo, HA ) of friends that I will always be able to call on.

This weekend I was recharged by some fabulous company, a bit of alcohol and Dahl! We woke to the beautiful blue ocean and a crisp, cool, revitalising atmosphere. A beautiful boy exclaiming 'WOW' bought about by such wonders that we as adults miss the gorgeous simplicity of. We walked with said little man throwing his arms out the side of his pram and marveling in the feeling of the breeze in his fine silky hair and the caress of the sun massaging his soul.
We supported a little girls wish to hold a party every year to remember her sweet presence this world is now without. We laughed together, we shared together, we ate together, and because of our children we now have an unbreakable link!

Today I am still feeling the high of knowing I have sisters that I will always be able to call on. I know that I am loved and that I love them in return. We share a common bond and yet that bond has made us better for knowing each other. Well I know that I am anyway. Each of us don't see each other every week yet we know that we are supported if we need to be supported, we are hugged (even virtually) when we need to be hugged and most importantly we can cry on each others shoulders when life is a little bit tough.

I will never forget this weekend. Thank you universe for being so kind to me and that we can be there for each other. It was beautiful to have an eclipsed moon while we shared company, it added to the undeniably spectacular gift we were sharing.
Friendship is grand and I know that where ever I am, I have fantastic friends.

Part of the process

My Mum came over yesterday, with her she bought a massive bag of B5's baby clothes. I had completely forgotten about them.
I emptied them on my couch to sort and put in bags to recycle, then completely broke down in tears! It was so random. I had no idea that I would be effected by seeing these beautiful tiny clothes. They are only clothes! Well obviously the time we shared while he was dressed in those clothes were more precious then I had ever thought. There was the suit that he wore when he was 3 months in first picture of this post. He had just started to fill out the 0000 sized clothes so I was trying him in 000! It is still so fresh in my memory, the reason he has freaky eyes like that is because he was fixated on the netballers in their tiny skirts that were on TV! Ha! I spent ages to get the right picture of just how focused he was on those awesome colours.
Anyway, that aside, I was really proud of myself. I touched them, I processed and I then bagged them and passed them on. I have never done that before. I would have kept that turtle suit, at least one pair of the tiny socks he wore, so on, so on. I realised yesterday how much I auto piloted the first year of his life. I completely poured myself into him and I ignored everything else. It was hard. I think I used the process of dressing him as therapy or maybe a tad bit of denial, if he looked good then everything was good.
So now it is an end of a hoarding era, I now have gotten rid of all clothes that don't fit H anymore. Sad but yet so exciting to move forward.
A friend just had a small baby boy so I really hope she can get heaps of use out of them, if not then I am sure someone out there will.

Mmmmmm

Coffee is awesome! Nutella off a spoon is up there too.

That is all!

doing a Sarah Jessica Parker

I am wanting to get a mole removed from the side of my nose but I am so scared of seeing the blade cut it off. Blergh, makes me cringe just thinking about it. I will then need to have the whole embarrassing thing of a massive bandaid covering half my face and then a nasty scab that is uglier then the mole. Oh and then I bet that the scab would fall off in some awful situation like when on a date and fall into my salad! Ha.
Totally wouldn't happen as we don't tend to get to go on dates BUT if we did, I am sure I would have to fish it out of my food!
I have been told when you get a local in your face it radiates out really far, I can just imagine having to pick B5 up from school and a massive pool of drool falling out the corner of my mouth.
I also have this crazy attachment, if I remove the mole people won't recognise me! I know it is completely unrealistic or maybe it is the secret voice of my mole saying that it would hate to be detached from me! Ha. I promise I am not a lunatic, just that it has been there for most of my life!

I almost always burst out laughing when I think of my Father in law seeing a mole on my back and pointing saying, mole, mole, witchy witch, mole. It was a total Austin Powers moment. Least to say I had it removed about 3 months later. Ha.
Maybe now that I have written about it I might have a bit of courage to make an appointment! Maybe.... Possibly.... Hopefully....



Completely unrelated, however I totally dig this kids flexibility.

football and all things bogan

Unless you live under a rock, last night was State of Origin (oh, if you don't live in either NSW or QLD, enjoy your rock). Mr P is an avid NSW supporter, and I am a QLD supporter.
Origin is continually an issue in our household, in fact a couple of years ago we ended up having an unrelated argument that resulted in him spending the night with his parents because he had been angry that NSW had lost. Since then we have a strict no alcohol policy and he is asked to not really plan to watch the game with others unless he stays the night there. It has been an OK living environment on game night since then, until...... I hacked his Facebook page and wrote GO QUEENSLANDERS. LOL. I think it is hilarious but he had other ideas. He told me that it was so not cool and that I had crossed the line. (It kinda felt that he might have even considered it a deal breaker)
I am nearly wetting myself remembering the look on his face when he read it.
I had to then show him that the status is able to be removed and he promptly deleted it. So I am totally pointing the finger and laughing that he is a bogan! Fricken hilariously BOGAN!



Oh how I love him.

cool banana's, toothy pegs and happiness

You know that feeling you get when you know that a change is coming and it feels good? I am in it. I have spent the last 4 weeks completely stressing my arse off (literally, yay) and now I am feeling the pieces come together and the excitement take over.
My Dad rang to say that he had weeded the old baths, that my Grandfather used to grow plants in, so that we can plant seeds and seedlings once we arrive. Mr P has organised the time off and I have spoken to the school we are thinking B will attend.

The new school Head of the SEU rang today and had a bit of a chat to me about the school and how they support the children who have Special Needs. She was so up beat and onto the needs that B5 has and is very realistic about how much support he will need. I was almost, yep almost, moved to tears when after explaining some issues we have experienced she said that they would love to have him attend their school. Awwww! This year has probably been the most cruel and intense one that I have experienced since he was born. I feel that even the first year of life was easier for me.
I have had to have my eyes forcibly opened to the fact that my son does have a disability. Of course he has had the diagnosis his whole life but he is like everyone else, he is such an amazing little soul. In the last 5 months that he has been going to school I have been told how much he throws tantrums, how much support he needs and I was told that he wasn't coping. I am sure that every mother wants their child to fit in and enjoy life and I am no different, it hurts. I am trying to focus on the positive achievements he has had, like that he can now tell me the letters of his name. He can count more and pronounce them quite clearly, he can say more words and is doing the first stage of learning to read (a way off yet but still exciting). So yeah that is all cool banana's to me.


I love the time of the morning when both my boys are in the bathroom cleaning their teeth. Big brother herds little brother into the bath for some quality teeth brushing and they are both extremely happy.



We went to a playschool live show the other week, I only just uploaded the photos. I adore watching my little men dance. B5 has some seriously rocking moves, he can air guitar with the best of them.



This is my boys with their cousin going on a bear hunt when Little Ted and Big Ted went missing. (The 3 boys in a row, blonde hair, brown hair and tiny blonde hair boys)


Good times, good times! *happy sigh*

Proof is in the pictures

Getting there!

Slice of heaven, Yeah!

Yesterday while in the car Jimmy Barnes was being interviewed about his new song, Before the Devil knows your dead. He was asked if he believed in Heaven, to which he replied that he is living it. He feels that rich or poor you make your Heaven on Earth and should enjoy everyday. I was watching the cartoon movie Cars with my boys this morning and the boss of the awesome sponsor asked Lighting McQueen to be the face of Dinoco. Lighting said 'but I didn't win' Boss man said 'it isn't about winning, it is how you race.'

So other then sprouting off a couple of nice things, it got me thinking. Do I look at the life I am living and appreciate our slice of heaven. Not enough I am sad to say. I look at the challenges more then the successes, I get lost in the chores of living far too frequently. These two very simple scenarios have challenged me greatly. How can I miss the shining light that radiates from my little ones faces? I have been in a dark place since my pregnancy with H1 and I don't like it. I haven't got professional help in either form of pills and counseling and it isn't only me that is feeling the drag of life that the weight of depression can leave. My 'she'll be right, I can do it myself' attitude is affecting us all so much. The way I am racing isn't how I want to race any longer. I am needing a readjustment in my thinking and I am hoping that through these two very normal antidotes to living I can move forward into the light and feel the sun's rays on my soul again.

Procrastination is an artform

I am a skilled procrastinator. I have been perfecting this skill all my life. I have now got to train myself to pull my finger out, figuratively of course, and get on with the task at hand... CULLING.

It is so daunting I haven't even opened my shed doors, we have two mind you, to have a peek at what lies ahead. My Father in Law will be gracing us with his presence tomorrow morning and I know that he will want to go hammer and tong and rush us through so he can do a dump run. I however just want to take my time and enjoy the memories. I want to send more to the recycle then to the dump and I am so totally aware that we only have 5 weeks to rehouse the recycle and I would prefer to give it to people who want it and not just the local Op Shop.
I am really glad that my in laws are so willing to help us with our transition and I should just be glad that he will be giving up half his Saturday to make it easier for us.

Our drier died the other day and I am having an internal argument. To throw or not to throw. We got it off Ebay last year and we knew that if we got at least one year out of it we would be happy. It has been 11 months, ha. So now, do I pay the dude to fix it when it is about 15 years old, or do we just let it rust away at the dump, I know what DP would say. It had a happy life.

I have to add a picture because it always looks so unlively when I don't.
This is H1 (well actually 19months but it is so much easier to put 1. LOL) eating lunch the other day. Comfortable much?

The next step

I figure it is only right to add the next chapter in my motherhood journey, my little man H1.
I met his father about 4 months after B5 was born and we were solid friends. He and I maintained a great friendship for the next 3 years after a lot of relocating and distance. He was living in Perth, WA and came back to Brisbane for a holiday to celebrate his birthday. We spent a bit of time together having lunch and he looked after wee man while I went to soccer training. It was during this trip that he announced to me that he didn't want to live his life without us in it anymore. I was completely taken by surprise, I had never had someone profess their love for me and my little like that. We decided that we were going to give us a go. He went back to Perth after a week and we did the long distant thing for a while. He flew B and I over for a 2 week holiday which was absolutely fabulous and probably the most romantic token I have gotten. He decided that he was going to move back to Brisbane to give our relationship a proper go and by New Year we were together again.
H was a much wanted baby by Mr P and I was under the impression of if it happened I would be glad but if it didn't, I wouldn't mind too much. Well I was pregnant within the first month.

It was an incredibly stressful time as I hadn't realised that there was unresolved issues due to B's birth. I was so worried that my next child would have a disability and it affected me badly. I had a melt down at 27 weeks (I had a preterm labour scare with B at this time too) and decided that my head space was too messy and I wouldn't be able to birth him naturally. So I was booked in for an elective C section. The day arrived that was written on my admission note and with an air of anticipation and excited anxiousness we were prepared for surgery. Half an hour after the spinal block had been given I was hearing my little boy for the first time. He was checked over and was given the all clear. Oh how I cried. I cried for the diagnosis of my first born and I cried for the joy I felt that I had bought another life into this world. I was handed my beautifully fat pink healthy baby and he was keen to get sucking. Mr P took him for some Daddy, Son time in the recovery room and I soon joined them. He latched with very little effort and the relief was amazing. I had never breastfed a child before. It was bliss.
We were transferred back to the ward and Mr P went home for a sleep a while after we were settled. I lovingly gazed at my new baby while figuring out what his name should be. It was a beautiful time and I will always remember how my heart swelled to receive this precious being.
He was/is a beautiful baby and was incredibly chilled and went with the flow, loved to eat and was a great sleeper.


At 5 months old during a breastfeed he did a little funny episode. We called the ambulance because he went blue around his mouth. The ambulance came and he had returned to normal and I was told that I possibly could have had an air bubble. Ridiculous now I know but at the time it sounded plausible. The next day I had a meet up with some other mother's who have children with special needs. We were meeting to celebrate one of their birthday's. As we were sitting down to a coffee my little had another episode. A couple of the mother's recognised it as a seizure and I rang an ambulance and was transferred to the hospital an emotional mess. Not my perfect baby I kept repeating to myself. We were waiting in Emergency from 11 to 3 and nothing untoward had happened. We were seeing a doctor just before being discharged and low and behold he had another one. I am so thankful they got to see that one. We were rushed into recovery and there were heaps of nurses running everywhere and so many beeps and all of a sudden I was faint and nearly blacked out. It was such an emotionally draining time for both my partner and I. We spent the night in ICU and he was put on anti epileptic meds and the seizures ceased. He had an MRI and a lumbar puncture with no abnormal results. Although this time was incredibly tough to process he has only ever had another 2 seizures and is now being weaned from the drugs. I have my fingers firmly crossed that this will be the end of drama with Master H, well until teenage years at least. Ha

He has taught me that even though I might worry about everything, at the end of the day, I can change didally squat and what will be will be. You have to ride the currents, not try to dictate them. I am trying to let go of my controlling nature but it is resisting a little. I will get there though!