Productivity

I have had a word for the last few years, which is something I strive to remember and to be.
This year, 2012, is my year of productivity.
I am needing to be productive in my goal of good mental health. I have struggled with depression since I was pregnant with my now 3 year old.

I am wanting to be more productive in my daily chores. I have started by decluttering and slowly I am working through our house to minimalise the work I have to do.

I am going to be productive with being more active. More movement = more energy. I need that.

I am going to be more productive about booking time for me. Be it making an appointment for the doctor when I have had an infected toe for 4 months, or taking time to do craft which makes me happy.

It is a large goal, but if I make it the focus for this year, I know I will be more content in life.

So my song for myself is this I like to move it. Will-I-Am It never fails to make me 'move it'.

Holiday slump

I have hit the holiday wall. I have found that parenting two children at the same time isn't the same as it was last holidays and I know that I had a bit of a struggle in those weeks too.
Both boys have been more trying and a lot of tantrums are occurring. Neither boy can articulate well, and have issues with getting their point across. I am feeling frustrated and ill equipped to be their parent. I have no idea of ways to help them learn and be engaged in activities, as soon as I unpack an activity they are already over it and want to do something else. I have toys from one end of my lounge room to the other because they won't help me pack up and I am feeling exhausted and a bad house keeper which makes me spiral into an overwhelmed laziness. I know it isn't their fault, I don't hold them accountable. I suck at being an educator and an engaged parent.
I have been running after B5 because he is bored and escapes our yard. I am too hot and don't enjoy being outside in this scorching weather, I don't particularly like the consequences attached to too much sun either.
I feel that the constant struggle to get the boys to do some thing, tiring so I hide in the computer. I have been getting better at it, but here I am venting and spent the last 2 hours half engaged with my kids but mostly invested in the online life I have created. I also struggle within myself because I know that I am not giving my children what they need and they are going to suffer in the long run. Why can't I spend an hour doing an activity in the yard with them? I know the answer, it is because I will feel shattered after it and have to clean up another big mess that is created. I am fucking sick of fucking cleaning up only to have it a disaster zone after only half the time it took to pack up.
On another note, when B5 took off out of our yard yesterday and was missing for over half an hour, my neighbours were amazing. 3 of them started to look for him and another let me know they had seen him running towards our local little shop.
My neighbour S is a retired electrician and hordes electrical equipment to sell at the local annual garage sale, he then donates all proceeds to St Vinnies. He came over just now with a small keyboard to help entertain B5 and H2 so the thrill of the unknown is reduced. He is such a lovely caring man.

So on the note that I know that I am not so alone, having a bit of a parenting crisis, but not alone in it, I am going to sign off on my vent and go get Mr P from work.

still no camera

And it is beginning to really piss me off. I cannot capture all those precious moments. I am lucky that I have a really clear picture phone, but I don't know how to upload them and I am worried I am going to lose them.

One particularly good moment that I missed was the Variety Christmas Party we went to on the weekend. B5 had such a lovely time and it would have been nice to capture his gorgeous smile, or Toadie from Neighbours doing the chicken dance with him. It was really wet and had to be held in a building they hadn't planned on, a lot of people had issues with the small space and the amount of rain we had, but hey, Mother Nature always wins. :)

We have been pretty quiet lately, I have been going to Monday night crafts as much as I can. B's embroidery is coming along nicely and it is a great way to release. Tonight is canceled though because of how much rain we are having.

Hmmm, is there a theme here. LOL. The rain has been constant since about Thursday last week so we are watching the creeks. We would be cut off if they both go over. It goes down pretty quickly I think because it feeds into the ocean. We are also lucky that our soil is mostly sand so it drains away easily.

Mr P is learning to drive and is doing a great job of it. I am really proud of how much effort he is putting in. He has been pretty scared about being in control of a car for such a long time as he has Epilepsy and could potentially have a seizure. He has been seizure free for over 3 years now and is essentially controlled with anti seizure medication. He has said that he feels more and more comfortable so that is a really big step for him. So yep, proud! :D

I have met a friend up here and we are having playdates which is really nice. H2 enjoys hanging out with their little girl too. We try to go to Wednesday Story time at the Library but have only made it once so far. H2 wasn't really sure what the deal was and preferred running around so maybe the playgroup would be better suited for a while. I am just a little tentative to go to a playgroup as I don't really enjoy competing with other Mother's. But then again, it may not be anything like that and we might have fun! Regardless, H2 is needing more friends.

Also I am flying out to spend an evening with my Special Mums and I can't wait, 2 weekends and I will be there baby!

Gotta have friends

I am completely and utterly blessed by having a gorgeous bunch (hence photo, HA ) of friends that I will always be able to call on.

This weekend I was recharged by some fabulous company, a bit of alcohol and Dahl! We woke to the beautiful blue ocean and a crisp, cool, revitalising atmosphere. A beautiful boy exclaiming 'WOW' bought about by such wonders that we as adults miss the gorgeous simplicity of. We walked with said little man throwing his arms out the side of his pram and marveling in the feeling of the breeze in his fine silky hair and the caress of the sun massaging his soul.
We supported a little girls wish to hold a party every year to remember her sweet presence this world is now without. We laughed together, we shared together, we ate together, and because of our children we now have an unbreakable link!

Today I am still feeling the high of knowing I have sisters that I will always be able to call on. I know that I am loved and that I love them in return. We share a common bond and yet that bond has made us better for knowing each other. Well I know that I am anyway. Each of us don't see each other every week yet we know that we are supported if we need to be supported, we are hugged (even virtually) when we need to be hugged and most importantly we can cry on each others shoulders when life is a little bit tough.

I will never forget this weekend. Thank you universe for being so kind to me and that we can be there for each other. It was beautiful to have an eclipsed moon while we shared company, it added to the undeniably spectacular gift we were sharing.
Friendship is grand and I know that where ever I am, I have fantastic friends.