Holiday slump

I have hit the holiday wall. I have found that parenting two children at the same time isn't the same as it was last holidays and I know that I had a bit of a struggle in those weeks too.
Both boys have been more trying and a lot of tantrums are occurring. Neither boy can articulate well, and have issues with getting their point across. I am feeling frustrated and ill equipped to be their parent. I have no idea of ways to help them learn and be engaged in activities, as soon as I unpack an activity they are already over it and want to do something else. I have toys from one end of my lounge room to the other because they won't help me pack up and I am feeling exhausted and a bad house keeper which makes me spiral into an overwhelmed laziness. I know it isn't their fault, I don't hold them accountable. I suck at being an educator and an engaged parent.
I have been running after B5 because he is bored and escapes our yard. I am too hot and don't enjoy being outside in this scorching weather, I don't particularly like the consequences attached to too much sun either.
I feel that the constant struggle to get the boys to do some thing, tiring so I hide in the computer. I have been getting better at it, but here I am venting and spent the last 2 hours half engaged with my kids but mostly invested in the online life I have created. I also struggle within myself because I know that I am not giving my children what they need and they are going to suffer in the long run. Why can't I spend an hour doing an activity in the yard with them? I know the answer, it is because I will feel shattered after it and have to clean up another big mess that is created. I am fucking sick of fucking cleaning up only to have it a disaster zone after only half the time it took to pack up.
On another note, when B5 took off out of our yard yesterday and was missing for over half an hour, my neighbours were amazing. 3 of them started to look for him and another let me know they had seen him running towards our local little shop.
My neighbour S is a retired electrician and hordes electrical equipment to sell at the local annual garage sale, he then donates all proceeds to St Vinnies. He came over just now with a small keyboard to help entertain B5 and H2 so the thrill of the unknown is reduced. He is such a lovely caring man.

So on the note that I know that I am not so alone, having a bit of a parenting crisis, but not alone in it, I am going to sign off on my vent and go get Mr P from work.

Slice of heaven, Yeah!

Yesterday while in the car Jimmy Barnes was being interviewed about his new song, Before the Devil knows your dead. He was asked if he believed in Heaven, to which he replied that he is living it. He feels that rich or poor you make your Heaven on Earth and should enjoy everyday. I was watching the cartoon movie Cars with my boys this morning and the boss of the awesome sponsor asked Lighting McQueen to be the face of Dinoco. Lighting said 'but I didn't win' Boss man said 'it isn't about winning, it is how you race.'

So other then sprouting off a couple of nice things, it got me thinking. Do I look at the life I am living and appreciate our slice of heaven. Not enough I am sad to say. I look at the challenges more then the successes, I get lost in the chores of living far too frequently. These two very simple scenarios have challenged me greatly. How can I miss the shining light that radiates from my little ones faces? I have been in a dark place since my pregnancy with H1 and I don't like it. I haven't got professional help in either form of pills and counseling and it isn't only me that is feeling the drag of life that the weight of depression can leave. My 'she'll be right, I can do it myself' attitude is affecting us all so much. The way I am racing isn't how I want to race any longer. I am needing a readjustment in my thinking and I am hoping that through these two very normal antidotes to living I can move forward into the light and feel the sun's rays on my soul again.