The next step

I figure it is only right to add the next chapter in my motherhood journey, my little man H1.
I met his father about 4 months after B5 was born and we were solid friends. He and I maintained a great friendship for the next 3 years after a lot of relocating and distance. He was living in Perth, WA and came back to Brisbane for a holiday to celebrate his birthday. We spent a bit of time together having lunch and he looked after wee man while I went to soccer training. It was during this trip that he announced to me that he didn't want to live his life without us in it anymore. I was completely taken by surprise, I had never had someone profess their love for me and my little like that. We decided that we were going to give us a go. He went back to Perth after a week and we did the long distant thing for a while. He flew B and I over for a 2 week holiday which was absolutely fabulous and probably the most romantic token I have gotten. He decided that he was going to move back to Brisbane to give our relationship a proper go and by New Year we were together again.
H was a much wanted baby by Mr P and I was under the impression of if it happened I would be glad but if it didn't, I wouldn't mind too much. Well I was pregnant within the first month.

It was an incredibly stressful time as I hadn't realised that there was unresolved issues due to B's birth. I was so worried that my next child would have a disability and it affected me badly. I had a melt down at 27 weeks (I had a preterm labour scare with B at this time too) and decided that my head space was too messy and I wouldn't be able to birth him naturally. So I was booked in for an elective C section. The day arrived that was written on my admission note and with an air of anticipation and excited anxiousness we were prepared for surgery. Half an hour after the spinal block had been given I was hearing my little boy for the first time. He was checked over and was given the all clear. Oh how I cried. I cried for the diagnosis of my first born and I cried for the joy I felt that I had bought another life into this world. I was handed my beautifully fat pink healthy baby and he was keen to get sucking. Mr P took him for some Daddy, Son time in the recovery room and I soon joined them. He latched with very little effort and the relief was amazing. I had never breastfed a child before. It was bliss.
We were transferred back to the ward and Mr P went home for a sleep a while after we were settled. I lovingly gazed at my new baby while figuring out what his name should be. It was a beautiful time and I will always remember how my heart swelled to receive this precious being.
He was/is a beautiful baby and was incredibly chilled and went with the flow, loved to eat and was a great sleeper.


At 5 months old during a breastfeed he did a little funny episode. We called the ambulance because he went blue around his mouth. The ambulance came and he had returned to normal and I was told that I possibly could have had an air bubble. Ridiculous now I know but at the time it sounded plausible. The next day I had a meet up with some other mother's who have children with special needs. We were meeting to celebrate one of their birthday's. As we were sitting down to a coffee my little had another episode. A couple of the mother's recognised it as a seizure and I rang an ambulance and was transferred to the hospital an emotional mess. Not my perfect baby I kept repeating to myself. We were waiting in Emergency from 11 to 3 and nothing untoward had happened. We were seeing a doctor just before being discharged and low and behold he had another one. I am so thankful they got to see that one. We were rushed into recovery and there were heaps of nurses running everywhere and so many beeps and all of a sudden I was faint and nearly blacked out. It was such an emotionally draining time for both my partner and I. We spent the night in ICU and he was put on anti epileptic meds and the seizures ceased. He had an MRI and a lumbar puncture with no abnormal results. Although this time was incredibly tough to process he has only ever had another 2 seizures and is now being weaned from the drugs. I have my fingers firmly crossed that this will be the end of drama with Master H, well until teenage years at least. Ha

He has taught me that even though I might worry about everything, at the end of the day, I can change didally squat and what will be will be. You have to ride the currents, not try to dictate them. I am trying to let go of my controlling nature but it is resisting a little. I will get there though!