Inky Goodness and a tribute

My lovely husband and I had a deal that since he got tattoo'd last, it is my turn next. He was tattoo'd almost 4 years ago and I still was hanging out for that PERFECT tattoo. Well I am so pleased that I did wait. My Grandfather passed away recently. I was absolutely blessed to have spent time with him on his last days, but I am also realising just how much his company meant to me over the years. He has always been the silent pillar in the background. Never overstated, but always needed. Over the last 2 years my family and I have spent time getting to know this amazing man. He was strength in human form. At 92 he still went on adventures, walking up town with his walker for support, it was no mean feat. He was incredible. I will never forget, on one visit a woman was being pushed in a wheelchair, he said to me that he would never be like that, and he never did!! It was his birthday in February, and 2 weeks later he had a stroke. He was transferred to hospital and we were incredibly surprised yet not really shocked that he rehabilitated. He spent a month or so getting back his abilities, even though they weren't as they were, he did pretty well. A week after returning to his home, he decided to stop taking his medication. He was ready, it was enough. I visited with him while my older son was on school holidays, not something I found easy, so usually waited until school went back. We opened his door and my son wouldn't enter. It was a bit of a shock to see my Grandpa in such a state, but I showered love on him. The nurses took B to play Trouble with some other residents and he was incredible, he gave me 2 and a bit hours with my Grandpa, I was so proud of my boy. A nurse who was caring for Grandpa felt that that day was probably going to be his last. My Aunt was arriving that day and I asked Grandpa to hold on a bit longer. I held his hand and shed tears for an old digger, a man who spent 3 long years as a prisoner of war when he was not long into adulthood. I shed tears for the loss I would experience, the hole he would leave. I asked him to be strong and if he needed to go, I would understand and we would love him forever. At the end of my visit it seemed like he roused from sleep, it was amazing. I said goodbye to him, that I would be back later. He said goodbye! He hadn't been very verbal since his stroke so it was a beautiful moment that I will cherish. I thanked him and told him I loved him. He looked me in the eyes, I knew he felt my love. That night my Aunt and I spent some lovely time together with him, and later together. The experience has bought me closer to her, I am really thankful for that. We have always known her presence, but distance and other factors didn't allow us to create as strong a bond as we have now. Another thing my Grandpa has given to me. I spent some time with him again on Saturday evening, it was my Grandparents ritual to have 5pm beers. I happen to be there at that time and I reminised with him about my memories and what they both gave to me. Something made me think of notes in music. Alone they don't have much meaning, but collectively they make beauty and create a song. It is how I felt about people in my life, both passed and present. They all give me something that I will take with me, and pass to future generations. When I received a phonecall from my Aunt on Sunday morning, I knew what it was about. Grandpa had passed in his sleep. At 92 he chose his path. I was at peace because I knew he was at peace. What a blessing! Sunday night I spent a bit of time on the net and found a quote- We Are Made One with What We Touch and See by Oscar Wilde We shall be notes in that great Symphony Whose cadence circles through the rhythmic spheres, And all the live World's throbbing heart shall be One with our heart, the stealthy creeping years Have lost their terrors now, we shall not die, The Universe itself shall be our Immortality! I knew it was what I was looking for, it expressed what I felt with my Grandpa and his place in my life. I read it at his funeral, which was a moving and beautiful ceremony. A week later I headed into town to go bed shopping, instead I walked into a tattooist. I told them what I wanted and an appointment was available on that day, for 1pm. The same time the ceremony began the week before.

I celebrate life with this tattoo, I rejoice in knowing influencial people and their love for me. I forever hold them in my heart (which is where this tattoo is placed, over my heart)

My February Challenge

I have decided that I need a plan of attack to organise our home.

I went looking for ways that others have found works for them and came across a blog with a 21 day challenge. A bowl full of lemons has tips on how to accomplish the goal and steps to make it easier going.

So tomorrow I am going to start with our tuppaware cupboard which falls everywhere when a door is open.

I will post before and after photos just so I can see how awesome I am. Wish me luck.

I was inspired

We have a huge problem in our house..... The dreaded school bags.

After reading The Organised House Wife blog post, I got to thinking. We rent and our landlord doesn't like holes in the wall, so a fixed structure wasn't an option.
I bought a little storage unit the other week, it has those cloth draws that are pretty popular. It was this that I decided to transform.

I bought 1800ml Malamine board and some hooks and got to work.

TADAAAAAA!!! I am pretty chuffed with it.



I am going to make some adjustments, I want a pocket for school related paperwork and a mounted box for hats, I wasn't able to find what I wanted so will keep on the look out.

*new*

We bought a *new* entertainment unit when Mr P and I moved in together. It was from a local Op Shop and was a bargain at $60.

The beast

(A picture taken by B, it was pretty organised here, but it wasn't always.)

We have been wanting to put permanent shelving in the middle of the unit, today I decided it was time. We made a packed lunch and headed to town. We started at the Tip Shop just in case they had some second hand shelving. We found a new entertainment unit instead.

The mini beast

I am not a fan of the colour, but I am sure it will grow on me.

The room feels bigger and I feel capable of keeping it clutter free. Oh and it was only $50. WIN!

Foto Friday

Ha, typing Foto made me cringe.

I've got a lovely bunch of mangos, and oranges, and passionfruit

We have got more Mangoes than we know what to do with. I peel and dice, some to the fridge for smoothies or a cool sweet treat, some to the freezer.
We have given some away for people to make green mango chutney, and people drive past our tree with a look of envy.
Our passionfruit is more fruitful than ever, and our oranges are more plentiful too.

I wish I could say I did something, but I didn't.

Beautiful

A lovely video

How depression makes me feel.

Avril Lavigne's Alice in Wonderland

When the world's crashing down
When I fall and hit the ground
I will turn myself around
Don't you try and stop me

I will cry though, it is a release, a sign of things being washed away. It isn't a weakness.

“Fall seven times, Stand up eight.” – Japanese Proverb

How's the Serenity?!

I am feeling a bit chuffed with myself and my goal for being productive this year.

Mr P took a large load to the dump today after we cleaned out the shed. We do have a rather large bit to go, but I am pretty certain a lot of the junk has gone.
My Dad took a load to the recycle this week too, I know we will have a lot to give away, but we have started to do so.

My bookcase has been tidy and well organised for a whole week. Score!

Now for the hotspots,the kitchen and dining table, to be smashed and I am on a roll!

Ways I am conquering the crap:

Reducing my work by reducing our belongings.

We had heaps of clothes, more than anyone could wear in a month.
I have gone through the boys draws and now when they pull every piece of clothing out of their draws, it isn't so bad. I make them pick them up and put them away. They aren't folded anymore, but the boys have figured out is much easier to keep them in the right spot.

I am a book gatherer. I LOVE books, they are like old friends. Comfort.
I was given some really useful advice so I am going to share it.

Books? Must be a true source of inspiration, have the intention to be re-read, have continuing lend-ability or everyday reference-ability, etc)

Fewer objects enhance our lives, not more.

Everything has a place and everything in it's place

It has always been a fight to get my boys to tidy up. I didn't realise it had so much to do with how they understood the process. If something has a spot, they know where it is to go when they pack it up.
I have made some play sheets for different activities. They play their games on the sheet and they put the toys away with the sheet. It works so well. I have to redevelop the storage unit that we have for the boys things because it isn't all that productive, but it will be. I think hooks for bags and the slide storage units for bigger toys is the way to go. I am using an old entertainment unit so not all the shelves are the right size or shape.

Do little bits often

There is always something to do. ALWAYS. It is so draining to be thinking of the million and one things that the dawn of a day brings. So I make sure I make a goal at the beginning of the day.
I have subscribed to 'the domestic housewife' page on Facebook. I have only been a follower for the last week but she always posts a goal to accomplish each day. You can follow her's or make your own.
I give myself rewards, if I have done a certain amount of time on a chore, I will give myself the same time on the computer, or reading. Then I do some more of the task and then might make myself a cup of tea, play with the boys, or any fun activity.
It doesn't feel so much like hard work when broken up.

So these are my strategies. I feel successful because I am accomplishing the mountain!



I sure do love the serenity!

My year of productivity

Grateful

Productivity

I have had a word for the last few years, which is something I strive to remember and to be.
This year, 2012, is my year of productivity.
I am needing to be productive in my goal of good mental health. I have struggled with depression since I was pregnant with my now 3 year old.

I am wanting to be more productive in my daily chores. I have started by decluttering and slowly I am working through our house to minimalise the work I have to do.

I am going to be productive with being more active. More movement = more energy. I need that.

I am going to be more productive about booking time for me. Be it making an appointment for the doctor when I have had an infected toe for 4 months, or taking time to do craft which makes me happy.

It is a large goal, but if I make it the focus for this year, I know I will be more content in life.

So my song for myself is this I like to move it. Will-I-Am It never fails to make me 'move it'.

Our Amazing Wedding

I became so wrapped up in my celebrations, I didn't share our day.

We were married on the 15th October 2011. It began with our family waking up in the same bed at our home. We spent the night before doing normal family things and it was a lovely way to wake and start our day.

Mr P and our boys were picked up about 9 and the clock started to tick. We started with a lovely breakfast, fruit, muesli, yoghurt and other good food. My Bridesmaids gave me a massage, a manicure and I was spoilt. Mid morning my husband to be came by and gave me a lovely bunch of flowers and a chocolate, he looked nervous and excited. I met him with curlers in my hair. hehe. He said I looked very relaxed, it was because I was.

I was so excited to be finally here, at the moment I was going to share my love in front of our family and friends.

The day went by quickly and with fleeting visits from family. My neice was literally bouncing from excitment at being our flower girl. We had some problems with her dress before the day, but it fit beautifully.

After all our hair was done (no mean feat with 4 bridesmaids, a flowergirl and me), my women took me to get my dress on. It was the most surreal feeling to be dressed by someone else, let alone 4 of them. Ha!

We proceeded out to the loungeroom and they put on my jewellery. I had thought the dressing was different, you have no idea how weird it was to have my earring put into my ear. So odd.

I was all ready and we started to get some photo's. My boys arrived, looking so gorgeous, and we were ready to drive to the location.
I had organised a spot on the beach really close to our home, but as it was blowing 30knot winds, we decided to change the location to the other end of the beach where it was a bit more sheltered from the massive winds.
With the move, we ended up needing cars. My friend owned a large enough car and we were able to go in two cars that were both silver, my bridemaids in one, my Dad, my boys and I in the other. It was still not feeling like the time had come, until we turned a corner and the breath got stuck in my throat. It was time.

My husband to be and his groomsmen were waiting at the closest end of a red carpet, our guests to either side, our minister at the other end of the carpet.
My flowergirl went first carrying a bouquet of buttons.
My bridesmaids were escorted by the groomsmen with wrist corsages.
My Dad gave my arm to MR P and our boys and he walked down before us.

I was greeted by Mr P who said, 'Wow, you have blown me away. You look amazing.'
We walked down the carpet with our closest friends and our families looking on. We had A love idea by Mark Knopfler playing.

We had a beautiful ceremony and shared our vows.

Mr P, you have filled my world with even more meaning.
You have made me happy.
you are my best friend and Father to our children

I promise to encourage and inspire you and to laugh with you

I promise to support the Knights when they are winning,
and if they are losing.

Thank you for taking me as I am; loving me,
and welcoming me into your heart.

As we grow together throughout our marriage,
I hope we never realise just how high our high can be.

I, Phoenix give myself to you Mr P to be your husband.
I will love you, comfort you, honour and protect you and
be faithful to you for the rest of our lives.

And his to me

From this day forward I promise you these things.

I will laugh with you in times of joy,

I will share in your dreams, and support

you as you strive to achieve your goals.

I will listen to you with compassion and understanding,
and speak to you with encouragement.

I will help you when you need it,
and step aside when you don't.
You are my best friend and
I will love and respect you always.

I, Mr P give myself to you Phoenix to be your husband.
I will love you, comfort you, honour and protect you and
be faithful to you for the rest of our lives.

We shared our vows with our oldest son taking in every word. He knew that we were sharing something incredibly special. It was beautiful to have him share such a moment.

We signed our marriage certificate while listening to Into my arms by Nick Cave

It was perfect.

We were introduced as MR and MRS and our family and friends cheered. My husband's family are from Scotland and we payed tribute to his heritage as we finished our ceremony. We played Highland Cathedral (there is a stupid ad before the song, and our version was a tad different, it was more brisk to begin with.)

We had some nibbles and champagne by the beach and enjoyed the company before we started the photos.









Our reception was wonderful, we had fantastic food and great company.

It was an ideal day, so perfect. *happy sigh*

Christmas craft

I was asked to write out how I made this Christmas ball so I thought I would post it here.


What you need-
Foam balls, the ball I used was about the size of an orange, if you can get a size smaller it would probably be easier.
Ribbon that has wire in the edge, between 1 and 2 inches wide.
Flat head pins
Scissors

I got the balls and pins from Spotlight, I can't remember the name of the type of pins but they are metal with a flat head and about 2cm's long.

I couldn't explain with words so I took a rough pictures to show. This ribbon is too thin and has no wire but you should be able to get the idea.



The first part of the roll with the uneven end, cut about 5 cm of flat ribbon. Then start folding and cutting along the edge where the tails meet the edge. As above.
There will be 4 pieces on each round so I usually cut 8 at a time. I folded the first piece and then cut the ribbon while flat and folded after just to make it easier.

Pin the flat 5 cm piece at the top of the ball. I put a pin in each long side to keep it secure. Then line up 4 points to meet in the middle of the ribbon piece. Pin one of the sides, at the widest point, one each side. Then line up each one as you go around. When you have got the 4th triangle in line, each piece should touch in the middle.


The above shows the flat piece, the 4 points that would meet in the middle and also the next step.

Pin the next round with the tip covering the edges of the above two pieces, so alternating where the tip is.



This is how I pinned each piece, I would pin the widest points of the triangle each round, and then in the next layer the pin would be in the middle of the point from the last layer.

Continue pinning and alternating until you get to the bottom of the ball. Each row will have 4 pieces that will meet at the widest part of the triangle. Some you will have to fiddle to make it cover the previous row and to meet, but keep at it.

On the last round I folded in the edges so that the points weren't showing and then I glued a flat piece over the edges and bit of ball that was still not covered.



These are the two that I have done.



Happy Creating.

Being a Mumma

My poor neglected blog. I had a splurge of despair and it has been sitting idle ever since. *sigh*

I have been chipping away at our wedding plans. It is 5 months away now and feeling like it is heading towards me like a fun freight train, if that is possible! HA!

Well it is Mother's day! I think of my Grandma who I can't ring to say thanks for being such a presence in my life. I think of my Mum who tries very hard to be a positive force in my life. I think of my own journey.

I feel so thankful that I can be a Mother! I am blessed to be able to hold and love and kiss my beautiful boys! It is an amazing feeling to have these little men in my life. I sometimes feel like packing it all in, it is a big responsibility and I am not sure that I am the best person for this job. Then I see my son's eyes light up when I walk into the room and I know that I am, no one could do it better.

Enjoy today! xx

Spinning

The journey of Real Mumma's on Monday is really making me question things, on top of that my house is messy which contributes to a messy head. Not very nice for Mr P here at the moment. Poor fella cops all my head explosion moments.

There was a complete meltdown on a forum I am a member of,you can feel the bad energy as soon as you log on. The only thing that makes me go back is the weight loss group I have joined. They are a lovely bunch of women and because it is completely private it is very easy to be yourself and share the up's and down's of changing your lifestyle and thought patterns.

We are having financial strains, even though we are pacing ourselves with the wedding plans. It is very frustrating and it looks like I am going to have to get a casual job. The thought of having a job makes me want to hyperventilate. My children get sick frequently, appointments happen, I am driving so much, and well the list goes on to why I can't possibly have a job. I find it really hard to let people down who rely on me. It makes me feel physically ill when I have to have a day off.
Mr P wants to explore his ability in his career field, yet is stuck in the job he doesn't enjoy so much. He is constantly coming up with reasons not to put himself out there. I completely understand the fear attached to applying for jobs, it is daunting, but he is so good at what he does that I am certain other companies will want his awesomeness.

B6 is doing fine at school, a little disrupted because he has had nearly 2 weeks off. His learning is taking off, he is extremely interested in computers and I am trying to get funding for an Ipad and speech/OT apps, through DSQ aids and equipment grant.
This time last year things started to go down hill rapidly at his old school. He was unwell then too and going back to school proved too much for him in a school that couldn't be bothered supporting him. I am trying to remember that this school is fan-freakin-tastic and won't let him down, but it is a constant struggle to stay on top of the negative feelings.

H2 is doing well. He really loves going to his Family Day Care Mum, and I like her too. Very happy! :)

The Real Mumma's on Monday question was what award I would win. Every time I think of my answer I tear up. I was so strong when I had B6, I felt resilient and I was proud of myself. Now I am an anxious mess when things happen. I fall into a crumpled heap as soon as something doesn't go like I had thought. It is really hard to be strong these days. I want to be proud of myself again, be strong again, be like water and weather the storms. Have I failed myself?

Today marks the day H started having seizures 2 years ago. Maybe that has something to do with the inner turmoil too.
I was in the middle of breastfeeding, I lay him on my lap to change sides and he went blank. Nothing was behind his eyes, he was not there anymore. His lips started to go dusky and his breathing was rapid and irregular. When he didn't respond to his name or me blowing in his face we called the ambulance. By the time they arrived he was perfectly fine. He looked to have frequent little episodes of vacantness during the night but I felt comfortable to leave it because he was co-sleeping and I would know if something went wrong. The next morning I had planned to meet some special friends that I had met through B6 and his Special School. I started to feed him some of his banana and avocado mash and he had another turn. There was only two mothers there at that time and both said to me that it looked like he was having a seizure. Both their gorgeous boys have Epilepsy so I knew they knew what they were talking about. I broke down. I had a feeling that it was seizures but so didn't want to admit it. I called the ambulance again and we were taken to hospital. He had frequent mini episodes on the way to the hospital, the ambulance officer didn't think what was happening odd. We arrived at the Emergency department and saw the Doctor. It was 11 am. My wonderful friend picked up Mr P and he was there shortly after we arrived. We spent the rest of the day in limbo because he hadn't had another episode. The Doctor came in at 3 to do last checks and discharge us. He had an episode right in front of her. Oh my, that duress button and the amount of noise and action was too much for me and I nearly fainted. It was so hard to see him on that bed.
We were discharged to the ward at 5pm and on the way he had another one. His whole body went blue and he was lifeless in my arms. I started to scream at the nurse and wardy who was pushing us. They weren't moving fast enough. The duress button was pushed when we got to his room and Doctors, nurses and equipment came out of no where. Mr P and I were standing out of the way when he broke down crying 'what is wrong with my baby, what is wrong.' It was so intense to see him in so much pain.
He was transferred to Paed ICU and looked after well. At about 2am he had another massive episode and it was decided that he needed medication to stop them as his heart-rate was dropping and so was his oxygen levels, it was getting too dangerous for him. We spent only 3 days in hospital and it was an intense time with MRI's, spinal taps and EEG's. They couldn't find anything. He had another 2 seizures a month later after a big growth spurt and nothing since. He was weaned off the drugs in May 2010.
To this day it is still unknown what went on with him. I am aware that he could have another episode any minute. It isn't nice. Hopefully it was just an infantile syndrome and it will never happen to him again. I live in hope.

Authentic Mummas

I am embarking on an adventure!
Kate King has started a blog spot and I have agreed to be one of the Mumma's. So for the next little while I am going to be answering questions on her blog here. Should be fun, and a tad challenging if the first question is anything to go by! LOL!
The launch is this Monday 28th March so head on over then. :)

Got my Ideas flowing

Our plan with our wedding is to start collecting things now so we can space out the costs.
One of my Bridesmaids, K, has had some awesome ideas! She was married last year so it is so good to have her insight. As the Bridesmaids are all getting different style dresses, I was wondering how we could tie them all together a bit more. I was having a wander around Tar-get the other day and stumbled on some bargains, one being some black facinators.



I am going to make them sit flat and decorate with pearls somehow.

With the button bouquets, I have been looking for them in Op shops and have found some really cool ones. I went into Spotlight yesterday and found a huge bag of whiteish buttons in assorted styles, colours and sizes. Score!
Here is a sample of what I have done. I am thinking that the whiteish buttons will be the main colour and have the other colours more sporadic.



I went and chat to my dress maker yesterday and we have come up with an awesome design for my dress. My friend shared this picture, it is my inspiration. She won't start on it until early July when we will meet again to take measurements. In the mean time I will look for shoes and jewelery. Yay!

She is also making alterations to the dress I bought for my niece to be our flower girl. I bought the white dress a couple of years ago and it has been sitting in the cupboard waiting for us to set the date. She is going to put a different ribbon under the bodice and put a few more beads on.

For my hair I am thinking something like this with a mix of this. I would have the ribbon thinner and possibly two strands rather then the one, it will also have a bit of crochet.

Mr P is still looking at what he wants to wear, apparently it is dress shorts with a long sleeve shirt. ARGH!! I have asked him to look at casual slacks instead. We will see. I would like him to feel comfortable yet I am a bit freaked that he wants to be so casual when the ladies are more semi-formal.

I am thinking the boys will be dressed in casual tan shorts and a white collared shirt. Cute, and not a problem when they get all messy from playing, cause they are good like that! HA!

I have been having problems with my skin lately and I asked if my Mum could give me a wedding gift of Proactive. Today this arrived......





WOAH!! Loads of the stuff. Thanks Mum!

Today I sent out Save the Date invites that I made from Myinvites, it is an Australian site that is free. I decided to send them to family, the Bride and Groom parties, and close friends we REALLY want to come, that way everyone has the dates and information about accommodation to start to look at booking.

I am collecting beads, buttons and wire every pay day so my friend J and I can make table decorations. As the tables at the reception are long rectangles, I am thinking something like this with a shallow bowl with the conversation hearts, or maybe those glass beads with a small candle in the middle.

Hmmm, have I shown you where we are having the ceremony? I don't think so, but if I have, sorry.




This spot is across the road and down a bit from our house. PERFECT!

8 months...

is all we have until our wedding day!
I thought I should start to document our wedding journey. :) Yay us!

On the 8th of February 2009 we had a gathering of friends and family for B's 4th birthday. He surprised us all by asking me to marry him. He got down on his knee in front of everyone after he expressed his love and adoration for me and our family. I shook with excitement.

We have had many trying times over the years and always we have worked through it. I feel that I am able to communicate honestly and openly with him, I have loved him from the moment he told me he couldn't live without me anymore.

So now we are coming together, legally, as a family. EXCITING!!

We are having a smallish ceremony with friends and family on the water front park near our house. The celebrant is a family friend who is traveling up from NSW to marry us, we feel very blessed that he will be doing our ceremony as he dedicated our son's when they were little.

So the other plans we have made so far:

Bridesmaids- 4 lovely friends who mean heaps to me!

Invitations- simple and reflecting our wedding by the ocean

Bouquets- Buttons, not flowers. I have wonderful friends donating buttons for my bouquets, it means a lot to me to have them with me.

Dress- meeting with the Dressmaker this week (YAY). I have a wonderful friend who will be helping me decorate it with her amazing lace crochet.

Reception- at the local bowls club, we have a bit to do with it so it is nice to be able to support them. My Grandma bowled with them when she was living and my Grandfather has dinner there every Friday night! They have a lovely cook too!

Shoes- snazzy flats.

Jewellery- Earrings made by a friend of mine Mamayali Necklace I haven't decided but wonder if some beaded lace piece would be the go!

Decorations for Reception- My lovely local friend and I are going to make some cool beaded wire pieces for the table and have bowls of conversation hearts (I think)

So that is all I can think of at the moment.

I have had some freak outs as to if I will pull off the glowing bride, but knowing that I will be marrying my (cliche) best friend and wonderful partner, with my beautiful boys, makes me feel all warm inside!

I can't wait to have my close friends and family around us on our special day! I am so looking forward to sharing it with the people I love dearly.

The day I found unconditional love.

My beautiful boy is 6 years old. Writing that is incredible, SIX YEARS!!

He entered the world after going into fetal distress and being yanked out of me. He came into the world in a sterile environment, but it was full of nervous excitement that my first born was here. He was mine.

I was shown his face only briefly before he needed oxygen. I knew his name. I knew he was love. I knew he was a blessing. I touched him lightly while I was being looked after by the doctors. I was in awe. My body grew him.

He was taken away with the Midwife, his father and Grandma and I was alone. I was itching for him, I ached for him.

I remember the feeling of his diagnosis of Down syndrome, it was an empty feeling. A hole. A blank spot. Something didn't add up. Actually it didn't, it equaled 47. Each of his cells included a little extra special spice!

That spice made me live! It made me question myself. It made me hungry for knowledge. It made me protective. It made me see beauty in small things like rolling over, staring at the blinds blowing in the breeze (they have a hypnotic grip), seeing his eyes light up when he saw me. It was amazing.

My son, who gives me joy, love, frustration, kisses, contagious belly laughs, You are so incredibly special to me. Thank you for choosing me. I sure do love having you in my life.

Happy Birthday to you funky little, break dancing, dude!












You are one loved little boy, you are precious.

Love your Mumma xxx

The first decade of the new millennium

One of my friends, Milkymumma, wrote a blog post entitled the same. So here is my record of experiences.

2000
Started year 11 in Canberra
Skipped more classes then attended but found a passion in Photography.
Left the security of my parents home and went looking for new adventures with less authority
Moved to Brisbane and in with my sister
My Great Aunt passed away and my Dad suggested I move to Mount Isa
Didn't want to go but my older brother suggested that it could be the life I wanted to create for myself, so I did.
I moved in with my Cousin and her family
I turned 17
Spent some amazing time in Central Queensland for Christmas

2001
Started Year 11 again in Mount Isa
Went to Church and found family there
Became a Youth leader within our Church
Found a love for Earth Science and Art
Was a member of the Young Achievers Australia, we went to Townsville to compete and I dressed up in a dog suit for our advertising campaign. Fun!
Planned a trip to Pakistan and Thailand
Moved out of my Cousins house and into a Student hostel with some amazing house parents who became my close family
Taliban struck and our trip was canceled
I did 2 weeks work experience instead of going to camp, I wanted to be a teacher

2002
My house parents moved to Mackay, would have loved to leave but didn't because of year 12
Got my license
I was nominated to be a class prefect for Student Justice
Earth Science was my best subject and I loved learning about how awesome our world is
Our male school captain committed suicide
I began to date again
Graduated Year 12

2003
Got excepted into University for a Bachelor of Education
Turned it down
Worked at Coles as a Service Desk manager and then a Deli assistant. Smelt like meat most of the year
Took to running away again
Started to look for my security in men who didn't deserve me
Was drunk pretty much every day of the week
Started dating B5's father

2004
Was a shell of my former self
I had put on 20kg
Felt empty
Fell pregnant
Started to look after myself
Lost 15kg
Grew a beautiful belly
Was emotionally blackmailed and abused
Spent the summer in Mount Isa pregnant! Whew!!
I turned 21

2005
Gave birth to the most amazing son
His father left us
I went back to working
Friends took babysitting duty and helped me raise my boy
I met Mr P and we became fast friends
His father never bothered to spend much time with B
I rekindled a friendship with a (unknowingly) future deadbeat boyfriend

2006
My amazing little man turned 1
I moved B and I to Brisbane to utilise family and therapy
My Mum was diagnosed with Cancer and started treatment the week I moved in
Deadbeat boyfriend broke my heart and confidence (or was it me allowing it to happen)
I moved to my own place, Mr P helped me move
Bumped into a friend from Canberra who I hadn't spoken to for 6 years!
Dated a couple of guys
Drove to family in Central Queensland, stopping to see B's father (first contact in a year) for an hour
My Grandma passed away, I will miss her always
Started to get my groove back

2007
Began looking for a job as staying at home without B's father paying maintenance was impossible
Found an amazing job as a Ward Receptionist in the RBWH Special Care Nursery
Got my groove even more and loved life again
Started playing Soccer
Mr P looked after B while I was at training
We started to date even though he lived on the other side of the country
Took a holiday to Perth, it is a gorgeous part of our country
B got Pneumonia and spent 16 days in hospital
B's father told us he never wanted anything to do with us

2008
Mr P moved back to Brisbane
We decided to try for a baby
We made a baby
We moved in together
I had major anxieties attached to pregnancy and birth that were unresolved
I grew another amazing belly
Birthed an incredible son

2009
Mr P proposed to me at B's 4th birthday party in front of family and friends
Diagnosed with PND
Given Depo needle on advice from a doctor
I spiraled into an even greater depression
Didn't have a regular menstrual cycle the whole year and only just getting back to normal now
I found an incredible online forum community called Intuitive Parenting

2010
Mr P lost his job
Mr P found a great sales job 2 months later
B started Prep
H started Family day care
B started to have troubles at school
The school let us all down in a big way
We moved to Central Queensland
Started to see the sun again
Had a happy healthy family
Started my garden
Began to sew
Started to create again
Set our wedding date for October 2011
Spent our first Christmas as our family of 4
Watched to fireworks bring in 2011

Enjoy the year to come, but never forget where you came from