I have hit the holiday wall. I have found that parenting two children at the same time isn't the same as it was last holidays and I know that I had a bit of a struggle in those weeks too.
Both boys have been more trying and a lot of tantrums are occurring. Neither boy can articulate well, and have issues with getting their point across. I am feeling frustrated and ill equipped to be their parent. I have no idea of ways to help them learn and be engaged in activities, as soon as I unpack an activity they are already over it and want to do something else. I have toys from one end of my lounge room to the other because they won't help me pack up and I am feeling exhausted and a bad house keeper which makes me spiral into an overwhelmed laziness. I know it isn't their fault, I don't hold them accountable. I suck at being an educator and an engaged parent.
I have been running after B5 because he is bored and escapes our yard. I am too hot and don't enjoy being outside in this scorching weather, I don't particularly like the consequences attached to too much sun either.
I feel that the constant struggle to get the boys to do some thing, tiring so I hide in the computer. I have been getting better at it, but here I am venting and spent the last 2 hours half engaged with my kids but mostly invested in the online life I have created. I also struggle within myself because I know that I am not giving my children what they need and they are going to suffer in the long run. Why can't I spend an hour doing an activity in the yard with them? I know the answer, it is because I will feel shattered after it and have to clean up another big mess that is created. I am fucking sick of fucking cleaning up only to have it a disaster zone after only half the time it took to pack up.
On another note, when B5 took off out of our yard yesterday and was missing for over half an hour, my neighbours were amazing. 3 of them started to look for him and another let me know they had seen him running towards our local little shop.
My neighbour S is a retired electrician and hordes electrical equipment to sell at the local annual garage sale, he then donates all proceeds to St Vinnies. He came over just now with a small keyboard to help entertain B5 and H2 so the thrill of the unknown is reduced. He is such a lovely caring man.
So on the note that I know that I am not so alone, having a bit of a parenting crisis, but not alone in it, I am going to sign off on my vent and go get Mr P from work.
January 15, 2011
December 28, 2010
All things festive
Being Christmas/New Year, I felt it was time I updated. I have been a bit uninspired with the lack of pictures without the charger for my phone, I was rescued by my Mum who has the same camera and visited just before Christmas.
So YAY for Mum.
School holidays have been going well, I nearly lost my mind before my Mum got here. So stressful to continually pull my boys apart from arguments and fisticuffs.
We did lots of touristy things with copious amounts of driving to see the landscape. It is amazing country here, both mountains and coast, beautiful.
More of what Mum got up to while here. hehe
It was nice to have her around for a few days, it was a good visit! My in laws are coming in a couple of days, so I am excited about that too. My niece will be with them and she is such a gorgeous little lady.
Testament of how awesome I am at gardening! I haven't weeded the front garden for a while because of all the rain and the other day I found this pumpkin growing nicely up the tree.
Speaking of rain....
It makes such great fun. We haven't been able to get the boys to stay out of it. LOL!
Getting cake!! :D
So we have had a great holiday so far, Mr P is having some time off and it is so nice to be a family unit without having to actually 'do' anything.
Enjoy your New Years celebrations, I hope you have a prosperous 2011.
So YAY for Mum.
School holidays have been going well, I nearly lost my mind before my Mum got here. So stressful to continually pull my boys apart from arguments and fisticuffs.
We did lots of touristy things with copious amounts of driving to see the landscape. It is amazing country here, both mountains and coast, beautiful.
More of what Mum got up to while here. hehe
It was nice to have her around for a few days, it was a good visit! My in laws are coming in a couple of days, so I am excited about that too. My niece will be with them and she is such a gorgeous little lady.
Testament of how awesome I am at gardening! I haven't weeded the front garden for a while because of all the rain and the other day I found this pumpkin growing nicely up the tree.
Speaking of rain....
It makes such great fun. We haven't been able to get the boys to stay out of it. LOL!
Getting cake!! :D
So we have had a great holiday so far, Mr P is having some time off and it is so nice to be a family unit without having to actually 'do' anything.
Enjoy your New Years celebrations, I hope you have a prosperous 2011.
November 22, 2010
still no camera
And it is beginning to really piss me off. I cannot capture all those precious moments. I am lucky that I have a really clear picture phone, but I don't know how to upload them and I am worried I am going to lose them.
One particularly good moment that I missed was the Variety Christmas Party we went to on the weekend. B5 had such a lovely time and it would have been nice to capture his gorgeous smile, or Toadie from Neighbours doing the chicken dance with him. It was really wet and had to be held in a building they hadn't planned on, a lot of people had issues with the small space and the amount of rain we had, but hey, Mother Nature always wins. :)
We have been pretty quiet lately, I have been going to Monday night crafts as much as I can. B's embroidery is coming along nicely and it is a great way to release. Tonight is canceled though because of how much rain we are having.
Hmmm, is there a theme here. LOL. The rain has been constant since about Thursday last week so we are watching the creeks. We would be cut off if they both go over. It goes down pretty quickly I think because it feeds into the ocean. We are also lucky that our soil is mostly sand so it drains away easily.
Mr P is learning to drive and is doing a great job of it. I am really proud of how much effort he is putting in. He has been pretty scared about being in control of a car for such a long time as he has Epilepsy and could potentially have a seizure. He has been seizure free for over 3 years now and is essentially controlled with anti seizure medication. He has said that he feels more and more comfortable so that is a really big step for him. So yep, proud! :D
I have met a friend up here and we are having playdates which is really nice. H2 enjoys hanging out with their little girl too. We try to go to Wednesday Story time at the Library but have only made it once so far. H2 wasn't really sure what the deal was and preferred running around so maybe the playgroup would be better suited for a while. I am just a little tentative to go to a playgroup as I don't really enjoy competing with other Mother's. But then again, it may not be anything like that and we might have fun! Regardless, H2 is needing more friends.
Also I am flying out to spend an evening with my Special Mums and I can't wait, 2 weekends and I will be there baby!
One particularly good moment that I missed was the Variety Christmas Party we went to on the weekend. B5 had such a lovely time and it would have been nice to capture his gorgeous smile, or Toadie from Neighbours doing the chicken dance with him. It was really wet and had to be held in a building they hadn't planned on, a lot of people had issues with the small space and the amount of rain we had, but hey, Mother Nature always wins. :)
We have been pretty quiet lately, I have been going to Monday night crafts as much as I can. B's embroidery is coming along nicely and it is a great way to release. Tonight is canceled though because of how much rain we are having.
Hmmm, is there a theme here. LOL. The rain has been constant since about Thursday last week so we are watching the creeks. We would be cut off if they both go over. It goes down pretty quickly I think because it feeds into the ocean. We are also lucky that our soil is mostly sand so it drains away easily.
Mr P is learning to drive and is doing a great job of it. I am really proud of how much effort he is putting in. He has been pretty scared about being in control of a car for such a long time as he has Epilepsy and could potentially have a seizure. He has been seizure free for over 3 years now and is essentially controlled with anti seizure medication. He has said that he feels more and more comfortable so that is a really big step for him. So yep, proud! :D
I have met a friend up here and we are having playdates which is really nice. H2 enjoys hanging out with their little girl too. We try to go to Wednesday Story time at the Library but have only made it once so far. H2 wasn't really sure what the deal was and preferred running around so maybe the playgroup would be better suited for a while. I am just a little tentative to go to a playgroup as I don't really enjoy competing with other Mother's. But then again, it may not be anything like that and we might have fun! Regardless, H2 is needing more friends.
Also I am flying out to spend an evening with my Special Mums and I can't wait, 2 weekends and I will be there baby!
November 14, 2010
Crust be gone and ummm, maybe call it LOVE?!
A 'Sarah Bean' got a certain birthday present and was particularly excited about the cornflour like powder that was a result of a Ped Egg! Since her birthday I had stored the pleasure she found in it and also the amazingly smooth feet that were a result, and I requested it as my one gift (I will be getting a tattoo as a combined Birthday/Christmas so am hanging out for that too).
Hmmm, yes Ped Egg!
I was intrigued to find out if my feet too produced a grotty cornflour, and yes they do! So gross, but you can't stop looking at it and swishing it about in the top part of the 'egg'. Ha! I love having smooth feet as we hardly wear shoes since being here!
I was so stoked that Mr P got me the gift I had asked for, one year he asked what I wanted, I said a dressing gown, I ended up getting a mug. Hmm. BTW I wasn't drinking tea or coffee at that time!
So, Ped egg = most awesome gift! :D
The other part of my pondering has to do with my young man.
I have been feeling a bit overwhelmed with a couple of things this week.
Have I done enough for his life to be rewarding, have a put enough effort in for him to grow as he needs to, have I given him the right foundation of skills.
I just know that parenting is hard, it is character building and to be honest having my son helped me realise an inner strength and wisdom that I never knew that I had. Every day, he tests my patience, my negotiating skills, my sense of humour, my love, all my fears, and in reality so does H(not 1 any more!)2. I think the biggest advantage is knowing how to be truely humble and thankful and I thank my children every day! I have now been on this journey for over 6 years, from conception that is. I am constantly in awe of the lesson's I have learnt and I am forever evolving. A life of not learning wouldn't be as rewarding as what I am living. I constantly saying that having a child with Down syndrome isn't bad, it is just different. When we are on our parenting journey it has it's up's and down's and no two families are on the same path. It then becomes sad for me that my son is questioned and just not able to 'be'. I feel that I am constantly having to step up and advocate for him. I will always be an advocate, I just wish there wasn't such ignorance and stereotyping attached to a disability that is constantly pushing the boundaries and exceeding the box that was once used to group my child.
One day ignorances won't be so judgmental and we can all get on with living. Here's hoping anyway.
Hmmm, yes Ped Egg!
I was intrigued to find out if my feet too produced a grotty cornflour, and yes they do! So gross, but you can't stop looking at it and swishing it about in the top part of the 'egg'. Ha! I love having smooth feet as we hardly wear shoes since being here!
I was so stoked that Mr P got me the gift I had asked for, one year he asked what I wanted, I said a dressing gown, I ended up getting a mug. Hmm. BTW I wasn't drinking tea or coffee at that time!
So, Ped egg = most awesome gift! :D
The other part of my pondering has to do with my young man.
I have been feeling a bit overwhelmed with a couple of things this week.
Have I done enough for his life to be rewarding, have a put enough effort in for him to grow as he needs to, have I given him the right foundation of skills.
I just know that parenting is hard, it is character building and to be honest having my son helped me realise an inner strength and wisdom that I never knew that I had. Every day, he tests my patience, my negotiating skills, my sense of humour, my love, all my fears, and in reality so does H(not 1 any more!)2. I think the biggest advantage is knowing how to be truely humble and thankful and I thank my children every day! I have now been on this journey for over 6 years, from conception that is. I am constantly in awe of the lesson's I have learnt and I am forever evolving. A life of not learning wouldn't be as rewarding as what I am living. I constantly saying that having a child with Down syndrome isn't bad, it is just different. When we are on our parenting journey it has it's up's and down's and no two families are on the same path. It then becomes sad for me that my son is questioned and just not able to 'be'. I feel that I am constantly having to step up and advocate for him. I will always be an advocate, I just wish there wasn't such ignorance and stereotyping attached to a disability that is constantly pushing the boundaries and exceeding the box that was once used to group my child.
One day ignorances won't be so judgmental and we can all get on with living. Here's hoping anyway.
October 31, 2010
Doh
Something is up with my garden, it is called Lack Of Attention.
The weeds are getting higher, the plants are getting brown and the sun is getting mighty hot.
I have been paying so much attention to my crafty side that I have let my baby go to seed too early. I really want us to be self sufficient and it is such a pleasure to watch it grow, so will be looking at finding time to put back into the garden.
This pesky grass pops up EVERYWHERE. It suffocates everything and I can't seem to get rid of it quick enough. Even with mulch, it grows around the roots. I have been collecting heaps of newspapers so going to lay it and hope that it DIES!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh and my one pumpkin seedling that survived, just disappeared. Gone. I bet a jealous neighbour saw it and wanted it for their own! (probably not but I am sticking to the story).
Anyway, done is my rambling, sleep is calling and so is the current read of Emma by Jane Austen! :)
Peace out Bilbies!
The weeds are getting higher, the plants are getting brown and the sun is getting mighty hot.
I have been paying so much attention to my crafty side that I have let my baby go to seed too early. I really want us to be self sufficient and it is such a pleasure to watch it grow, so will be looking at finding time to put back into the garden.
This pesky grass pops up EVERYWHERE. It suffocates everything and I can't seem to get rid of it quick enough. Even with mulch, it grows around the roots. I have been collecting heaps of newspapers so going to lay it and hope that it DIES!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh and my one pumpkin seedling that survived, just disappeared. Gone. I bet a jealous neighbour saw it and wanted it for their own! (probably not but I am sticking to the story).
Anyway, done is my rambling, sleep is calling and so is the current read of Emma by Jane Austen! :)
Peace out Bilbies!
October 27, 2010
In the works
I have a couple of projects in the works at the moment, yet my camera battery has died and in the move I put my charger in a 'safe' place that has been so safe I can't find it.
Project one: Screen Printing
I am really enjoying screen printing it is so fun to wear my art but it is a bit of work to find one that actually works on the fabric.
Project two: I am going to craft nights at a sewing shop in town and this is my project, a pillow case with B's drawing embroidered on it. I have started embroidering with a chain stitch and it is really effective.
Project three: Christmas presents. I am going to make my older Niece's and Nephew's a travel Tic Tac Toe bag. I don't really know how I am going to do it but I have the picture in my head so hope it ends up turning out.
Can't wait to find my awesome safe place so I can share my fun.
Project one: Screen Printing
I am really enjoying screen printing it is so fun to wear my art but it is a bit of work to find one that actually works on the fabric.
Project two: I am going to craft nights at a sewing shop in town and this is my project, a pillow case with B's drawing embroidered on it. I have started embroidering with a chain stitch and it is really effective.
Project three: Christmas presents. I am going to make my older Niece's and Nephew's a travel Tic Tac Toe bag. I don't really know how I am going to do it but I have the picture in my head so hope it ends up turning out.
Can't wait to find my awesome safe place so I can share my fun.
October 14, 2010
Turn, Turn, Turn
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DejUPN4SksU
I am feeling a change coming. I know that during this journey I am forever discovering who I am as a person. It has been a time of questioning, changing, crying, growing, pain and self doubt.
I have embarked an a mission of self discovery by doing a creative course, The Artist's Way. It is designed to make you look at blockages you may have in your creative mind. I am finding that it strips you back to your bare minimum and you are to look at yourself. It has challenged me immensely and I have only been doing it for a week or so. Ha!
It is going to be 3 months of recreating how I look at myself, how I think to myself and how I live everyday! I want to be able to create with my children, I want them to be energised by our creativeness, I am also hoping to break negative insecurities I have so that my children don't have to live in that shadow.
It is a big job, and I am sure that this one course isn't going to wipe my baggage clean, I am just glad I have the chance to do it and learn.
This life is so precious to me, my children are priceless and I want to get it right for them. I am sure I won't get it perfect every time, I just want to know that I am doing and continually learning.
My time has come to turn away from the negatives my censor(mind) speaks to me, I am breaking the cycle that is so embedded in the females of my family and I am going to stand strong in the new and fresh me I find!
I am doing it for me
and them
I am feeling a change coming. I know that during this journey I am forever discovering who I am as a person. It has been a time of questioning, changing, crying, growing, pain and self doubt.
I have embarked an a mission of self discovery by doing a creative course, The Artist's Way. It is designed to make you look at blockages you may have in your creative mind. I am finding that it strips you back to your bare minimum and you are to look at yourself. It has challenged me immensely and I have only been doing it for a week or so. Ha!
It is going to be 3 months of recreating how I look at myself, how I think to myself and how I live everyday! I want to be able to create with my children, I want them to be energised by our creativeness, I am also hoping to break negative insecurities I have so that my children don't have to live in that shadow.
It is a big job, and I am sure that this one course isn't going to wipe my baggage clean, I am just glad I have the chance to do it and learn.
This life is so precious to me, my children are priceless and I want to get it right for them. I am sure I won't get it perfect every time, I just want to know that I am doing and continually learning.
My time has come to turn away from the negatives my censor(mind) speaks to me, I am breaking the cycle that is so embedded in the females of my family and I am going to stand strong in the new and fresh me I find!
I am doing it for me
and them
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)